Bartomeu’s letter to Guardiola.

Dear Mr. Guardiola.

I hope it’s okay to write you this letter Pep. Lately I have been looking at my self in the mirror a lot and finally I see that I have no freaking idea about what I’m doing. Finally I have realized that the problem here is me and I need your help. I’m writing this naked and crying – I’m depressed.

I will do anything if you come back to the city that loves you – man lovin’ is not out of the question.

Since you were with us, we have experienced ups and downs. We have lost our identity and I’m to blame. Because of that, my wife will not touch me, she is having an affair with Edgar Davids and now she is threatening to leave for good. She speaks highly of Edgars sexual abilities and I can’t stand it anymore. That’s why I’m writing you this letter.

I really need your help. I think that, if you come back to your home we will be able to reinvent our identity so we, once again, can shine like we used to back in the day. Also I believe that if that happens, my wife will once again touch me like I want to be touched. Please help me Pep – please help me.

Our beloved Ernesto is to quiet to shut up the likes of Luis Suarez and Ousmane Dembele. He is so sweet, but his balls are no where to be found and they are really needed at this point. We know you have balls of steel, so come back Pep – come back.

Even my daughter at home are starting to kick me in the nuts because of my rubber spine. Help med regain respect from my family. Help me regain respect from the city. Please help me regain respect in general.

Dear Mr. Guardiola.

Please teach the city of Barcelona to love me once again. I’m begging naked and crying.

Best regards from a sad excuse of a man.

Josep Maria Bartomeu – the choice of no one.

Check out link below:

Mourinho’s letter to Woodward

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